After excruciating trainings, endless kicking and punching in Taekwondo, I finally got what I deserved. And it was the best thing in the world - to win because you fought for it, not because it was shoved down your throat.
Last Sunday I had the priviledge to fight in the New Face of the Year 2005. I had prepared for this all summer and was all ready and psyched up to fight. I got to the stadium with yet the hope that I will make it - without serious injuries and the like.
I had to undergo through three fights before I could actually call myself a silver medalist. It was sheer torture to wait and see what doom your fight might unfold. But before every fight, I swore to myself that I would talk to my oponent and befriend them.
My first two oponents were really nice. I actually managed to strike up a conversation, even if we all knew that we had to kick each other's butt in the ring. Ana was my second oponent, and she's from Batangas which is really nice! Oh yeah, my 11-year old brother has a major crush on her - which of course, freaked the hell out of me. But, it's alright. ;)
My third oponent was a bit, uhhmm, well, a bit harsh. I tried to talk to her but she just wouldn't look at me. She was too busy staring at the ceiling and counting the many ways on how to make my life miserable. I didn't even get her name because I was afraid that she would swallow me alive if I tried to.
She ended up beating me for the gold medal. I was disappointed of course, I sooo wanted to beat her up and claim the glory all to myself. That just didn't happen.
And I have this huge fear that it'll never happen.
I walked towards my family with my head down. I didn't know what they would say. I didn't know what to expect. I just completely blacked out. Of course, the sermon on the mount continued. My parents explained why I lost, what made me lost, and why I was so stubborn and selfish enough to forget every single detail they had said.
I was mortified. I felt like they weren't proud of me. For a few minutes, I paced myself - wondering what the hell did I do wrong to deserve all that wishy-washy talk they were telling me.
My dad didn't do anything after his big sermon on the bleacher. He just sat beside me and watched the other fights that were going on. I cried secretely after - they just didn't understand.
During the awarding ceremony, I wasn't exactly paying close attention. I was racking my brain for answers and ideas that would prove that my parents were proud of me. I got nothing.
After the whole event, the one thing which I dreaded the most was the car trip. It was in the car that my parents would go through every single detail. They would evaluate my performance and God knows what they'd say to me. During the whole time that they were doing the sermon, I had my ears shut. I didn't want to listen to their crappy voices. I didn't want to listen to their criticisms. I didn't want to listen. Period.
Thank God the car trip was only an hour. *sarcastic tone*
I got out of the car and shoved people out of my way. I was extremely mad and was on the verge of cursing my parents. Not an exaggeration, mind you.
So anyway, we had merienda on the dining room and I was still bottled up and I still wanted to scream at my parents for being oh-so-supportive. What they said after made my eyes pop out and made me say, Whaaaat?
My parents explained that they were very proud of me. They said that they were extremely happy and were on the verge of tears when I won fight after fight after fight. Dad told me my overly-huge fear gene had somewhat dissolved a bit and I was pretty fearless out in the open.
I didn't know what to say. I felt like crying and bawling senseless. But then again, that's just me.
With a silver medal clutched around my hand, and the best approval and compliments from my parents, I was happy. I guess their little criticisms were a way of telling me that they actually care and wouldn't want me to look like a total idiot in the court. Their looong sermons reminded me that I still have a long way to go and that there is room for improvement. My parents reminded me that I should push myself out of the extremes and just be fearless.
My parents reminded me that no matter what happens, they would support me and be proud of me. That was something.
In a way, I want to thank them for being like that. And although, words can never be enough to truly express how I really feel, I just want to say: Hey, thanks for being real.
| 